If If you’re the parent who is living abroad, or your language is not the one that your child tends to speak most of the time, it can feel like a struggle to share and pass on your words, phrases, and songs.
But it’s more than that, isn’t it?
Languages open doors to cultures, and I know that creeping fear: if my daughter can’t speak my language, will she ever really know the culture our family comes from, will that door be open to her? I need to pass on not only the language, but the whole culture of knowledge, traditions, and values. And all of that is weighing on my little shoulders as I do the hard job of parenting, whilst adding the extra challenge of multiple languages, and being responsible for passing on the understanding of traditions that are so dear to my heart.
Bilingual parents in other-language settings know exactly what I mean when I say it can feel like you’re trying to hold on to a whole culture, not just a language. [See also: Expat Families: How Bilingual Children Can Build a Strong Language Identity Abroad]
The Myth of “Solo Consistency”
If your partner only speaks the majority language, you have probably been handed the standard bilingual parenting advice: the “One Parent, One Language” (OPOL) method. [See here: OPOL or ML@H: What’s the Difference – and What Works Best for You?]
But I want to emphasise something crucial: one parent’s consistency alone cannot carry all the weight for successful bilingualism in your kids. Especially when it’s usually the mum who speaks the minority language and is living abroad, her consistency alone simply isn’t enough. You don’t have to be a slave to consistency and follow the plan like a straightjacket. You are in this bilingual parenting journey together with your partner, even if they only speak the majority language. You need to have open discussions about how it’s going to work for you.
How Your Partner Can Actually Help
Your partner does not need to be fluent to be an incredible teammate. You just need to define clear roles depending on who speaks which languages, and figure out the most practical ways to make the most of your resources, without adding extra pressure or stress.
Here is how a monolingual partner can practically support the multilingual environment:
- Champion the Video Calls: So many people go on about how bad screens are for babies and toddlers, how overstimulating it can be for them to watch things, and how antisocial it is to stare at a screen anyway. But guess what? For international families and parents living abroad, seeing and talking to family through a screen might be the only way they can keep in touch or see each other more regularly than once in a blue moon. It’s not that we’re lazy parents, but actually we’re doing a really hard job under particularly challenging circumstances. So just cut the criticism! Your partner can be the one to enthusiastically set up these calls. (And if anyone gives you stick for it, send them to me! 😉)
- Skip the Frustrating Jokes: We all know how frustrating it is when a partner makes word-play jokes that just aren’t funny to people learning German (or whatever the community language is!). A supportive partner skips the confusing jokes and acts as a gracious host to your culture instead.
- Protect the Language Space: They can make sure your language is never treated as an inconvenience, for example by turning off the TV or pausing the background noise when you are reading a book in your language.
- Let the Child Be the Teacher: Your partner can actively show interest by asking your little one to teach them. A simple, “Can you tell Daddy how to say ‘apple’ in Mummy’s language?” turns your language into a superpower your child gets to show off.
- Take Over the “Community Language” Admin: Since you are already carrying the heavy weight of passing on your heritage, your partner can handle the local mental load. Managing the nursery emails and local appointments frees up your energy to focus on your language.
Let’s Help Your Languages Grow Together
As a language lecturer who helps trains language teachers, and a mum with a nearly-three-year-old daughter growing up bilingually here in Germany, I see firsthand how difficult parenting bilingually and abroad away from family is.
I share ways to apply what linguistics research tells us is good for boosting little ones’ language development. I bring the linguistics, you bring the languages, and I can support your family to help languages grow together.
If you are ready have those open discussions about your family’s goals and resources, you need a practical starting point.You can absolutely figure this out together! if you want to take the DIY route, go ahead and read my guide on How to Create a Family Language Plan That Fits Your Family.
The much easier, quicker and probably more effective way to get started is to just download my 10-Minute Family Language Plan Maker PDF for 0€. It gives you a clear framework to figure out the most practical ways to make the most of your family’s language resources together, without adding any extra pressure or stress.
The Maaster Plan 
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